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Monday, April 07, 2008

Friday night's season premiere of Battlestar Galactica might have been the best television I've seen in the past year and was totally worth the wait (it's been over a frakkin' year since the show last aired). It was an hour of sheer bliss to able to watch those characters in action again. Such good story. Amazing dialog. And it was nice to see that no matter what situation Gaius Baltar finds himself in, he always gets laid. Very laid. Sometimes I wish I could be that character's penis for a day. But then I snap out of it and realize that I'm no slouch compared to that guy.

It just so happens that about 20 minutes after Galactica went off the air that night, my wife arrived home with our good friend K. She had flown out from the mid-west for a little R&R with her favorite married couple and we made the trip worth her while. We all relaxed, ate good food, got a little lit, and had a lot of great sex.

(Note: Getting a king-sized bed was one of the most brilliant ideas my wife and I have ever had.)

Posted by Matt @ 1:14 AM |

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Yawn. (Wink. Wink.)

I'm back. I think. Not sure for how long, though. Never can seem to make this page a priority anymore. It's not from a lack of things to write about, it's mainly because I'm uninspired. And busy. And lazy. And let's be honest, it's time better spent masturbating, right?

Also, since so much time has passed between blogs it's somewhat overwhelming to think how much I might need to write if I need to reference something. A simple entry could take hours instead of minutes. Again, cutting into masturbation time. Or sex time. Seriously.

Then again, I don't want to continue to incur the wrath of those few faithful folks who get incredibly pissed off every time they visit to find nothing new. I can imagine how much that might suck. If WWTDD.COM (one of my all-time favorite sites) suddenly stopped updating, I'd be upset. In fact, here's an email from March 10th that read:

Your failure to update Frankenblog has raised my ire and the ire of those around me. Ire, I said.
~Demonwiener

So let's see what I can muster up. Eh?

Until then, here's a fabulous picture of my wife's gorgeous new breasts. After all, I did promise.

Posted by Matt @ 11:07 PM |

Friday, August 31, 2007

Not a posting about breasts, pregnant women, breast feeding or the like.

I just learned that my favorite band has just been signed to a record label. The Upwelling will release their debut CD on Edmund Records--through a partnership with Doghouse Records and Warner Bros.--and are shooting for a release sometime in 2008. Not only am I psyched that there will be new music, but I couldn't be happier for the band.

So I'd like to say congratulations to Josh, Ari, Conor and Lee. May the next year bring lots of radio play, many TV appearances, and critical acclaim. You guys deserve it.

(Photo by Ebru Yildiz)

Labels: Doghouse Records, Ebru Yildiz, Edmund Records, The Upwelling

Posted by Matt @ 5:13 PM |

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I am a Maieusiophiliac.

"What?" you say? Read on.

A few weeks ago friend Dan and I were having one of our normal geeked-out conversations about whatever when the topic of Jessica Beal's ass came up. We had recently seen a trailer in front of the new Transformers movie that she was in--an Adam Sandler/Kevin James comedy I've already written off--showing her backside in nothing but a pair of panties. And yeah, she's got a hot body. No doubt.

"Doesn't she have the most incredible body you've ever seen?" he asked. "You have to admit she has the best body you've ever seen."

But something in me just couldn't commit. Yes, her body is great, but it's hard for me to choose just one that's the best. I certainly find hers arousing, but I also find Carla Gugino or even Anna Nicole Smith to be just as desirable. It depends on my mood. (I'd also like to go on record and say my wife has a hot body, too. Er...was I supposed to post some more pictures or something?)

"Um. I think she's hot. I'd totally hit it." I said. But I can't just make a blanket statement and say she has the hottest body."

"OK. Who would you do then?" he continued, "Jessica Beal or Salma Hayek?" And I don't mean Salma Hayek now while she's all big and pregnant, I mean Salma Hay--".

And then I cut him off.

"Dude. I think Salma Hayek NOW is hotter than hot." I admitted.

(I don't think Dan was prepared for the answer to his next question.)

"Fine. Salma Hayek pregnant or Salma Hayek not pregnant?"

"Uh...Salma Hayek pregnant" I said.

"Dude, you've got problems." he said, and that was the end of it.

So yeah. The cat's out of the bag. I have a pregnancy fetish.

Maieusiophilia (according to Wikipedia) is one form of Pregnancy Fetishism and specifically refers to an attraction to or arousal by others being or appearing pregnant. It also coincides with an affection for lactation. I would say a perfect description of myself.

Ever since I was little I was obsessed with pregnancy. Not so much the baby aspect of it, but the changes a woman's body would go through while a baby gestated. Rapid weight gain. Breast expansion. A huge belly. A beautiful, round, big belly. Needless to say I was more nuts about my wife when she was pregnant. I even have nude photos of her at 9 months, ready to pop. One hangs on my bedroom wall. And yes, I LOVED when her breasts filled with milk. While I didn't breastfeed as much as the babies, I totally got my fair share. Breastmilk (my wife's of course)=delicious.

Now, is this fetish all-encompassing and all-consuming? Of course not. I love women of all shapes and sizes. Period. But I'd be lying if I wasn't a bit more drawn to those sexy mommies-to-be (and my God is there a hot blonde who kid goes to my daughter's school). For those of you wanting to see a little more pregnant hotness, check out these photos of the gorgeous Peta Todd.

And for good measure here's a few pics of actress Maggie Gyllenhaal breastfeeding somewhere in NYC.

Labels: breast feeding, Jessica Biel's ass, lactation, Maggie Gyllenhaal, maieusiophilia, Maieusiophiliac, Peta Todd, pregnancy fetish, sexy mommies

Posted by Matt @ 11:53 PM |

Thursday, July 12, 2007

George Lucas is mocking us.

Lord, how I hate the Man. The Defiler. The Destroyer of Dreams. The man with a neck that may just grow bigger than the man himself and try to take over the world.

I went to view this teaser footage from the set of Indy 4 and had to rewind and watch it again just to see Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford hamming it up. But then I noticed something that made my jaw drop: Lucas' t-shirt.

And here's a clearer picture:

So let me get this straight. The guy that came out and said (repeatedly) that it was never intended for Han to shoot Greedo first in the original Star Wars movie is now proudly wearing a t-shirt that says the exact opposite?!?

Fuck you, George. Fuck you.

Labels: George Lucas is a tool, George Lucas is an asshole, George Lucas sucks, Han Shoots First, Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones, Stephen Spielberg

Posted by Matt @ 12:27 PM |

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Did I neglect to mention that today was the day Christina went to visit The Boob Fairy? Of course I did. That's so like me.

I am happy to report that everything went perfectly and my wife is now made out of breasts. Me likey. Perhaps a little bigger than she was intending. But so what? Better a little big than a little small, right? Pictured above is Christina around 11PM. Loopy.

Tired. More info and more pictures (!!!!) later.

Posted by Matt @ 11:33 PM |

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Hooray for Boobies 2007!

I'll get right to the point.

My wonderful wife has treated herself to new boobs. Something she's considered and researched for a very long time now. I am quite excited of course. But not as excited as she.

And since this site is all about the boobies, she's given her consent to have the whole thing chronicled on Frankenblog. This means I'll be posting pictures periodically. Before/after type of stuff. My goal is to be informative while still showing gratuitous nudity. Since there isn't one plastic surgery site out there that shows recovery photos over a period of time longer than 3 months, I intend to take us to at least a year after surgery (by this time the implants will have settled and the scarring around her areolae will have faded).

Thumbgirl is Janine Lindemulder.

Posted by Matt @ 9:17 AM |

Thursday, May 31, 2007

There. That should do it.

Been gone for a tad. Longer than a tad. Whatever. I haven't posted anything. Not even the obligatory nude shot. There are many reasons behind the hiatus. But mostly it's because I'm terribly lazy. Writing something (anything) is really hard. It might be the hardest thing ever for me. I just don't have the patience or the discipline. Nor the time.

Still, here I am. Despite all of the writing dread and the progress the wonderful folks at Blogger have been making these past several months (not). You may notice that while many links are working, many are not. Especially old pictures used in older posts. They're gone. Gone forever. Not coming back. Again, I don't have the time or patience. So from this point on, ever forward.

I was recently told by a few people that they wish I'd post more. That I was a "good writer". This flattered of course. But it's also served to motivate me a little. I give thanks to those that encouraged.

That being said, I have several things I'd like to talk about. Mostly about boobs, getting laid, my penis, and the occasional band (one in particular that I have neglected big time).

And so...

Posted by Matt @ 11:27 AM |

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

These made my day. Each one awesome for different reasons. Oh so hot.

You have to register and create an account first, but it's worth it.

This is worth looking at, too, because...well...dayum.

(More entries coming. I swear.)

Posted by Matt @ 10:12 AM |

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Thank the Gods.

Yesterday I very nearly snapped my neck walking past the men's magazine section at my bookstore. The latest Playboy had been put on display (February 2007) and gracing the cover was none-other than Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer and her gorgeous ass-crack. My jaw dropped. Here was the hottie who plays the sexy Cylon Model Six finally doing what I'd hoped she'd do ever since I first saw her. How did something like this get by me? Jeez. I must be slipping in my old age.

It's not surprizing, though. The second half of Season 3 is about to start and the show needs all the help it can get. Despite it's critical acclaim (it won a Peabody Award in 2006) and strong DVD sales, the show is not doing the numbers the The Sci-Fi Channel was hoping for. Hopefully the move from Friday nights--one of the worst nights for tv--to Sunday nights will help this amazing show boost it's ratings. Still, it's unfortunate that numbers might dictate the fate of this wonderful program. Hopefully Sci-Fi will stand by this show regardless and give creators David Eick and Ron Moore the 5 total seasons they've planned for.

Battlestar Galactica is hands-down my favorite TV show right now. And it doesn't hurt that a sex pot like Helfer is part of the stellar cast.

Oh, and before I forget, click on the thumb for a preview of what's inside. I'd scan and show all the pictures, but I'm afraid Playboy will send someone to kill me.

Posted by Matt @ 9:56 AM |

Friday, January 12, 2007

Yesterday an aquaintance of mine began to press me about how I felt about the current President's new plan reguarding Iraq. I had to admit, I had no idea what the new plan was. At some point I stopped paying attention to it all. The double-talk. The bullshit. The spin-doctoring. Everything I heard began to make less and less sense day in and day out. So for my own sanity's sake, I began to ignore it. Considering that no one's taking this President (or his administration) to task, I figured it'll all be over (fingers crossed) come 2008.

But then someone implies how I threw my vote away and--in the same breath--tells me how the President is going to put another 22000 troops in harm's way. And then he looks at me with baked eyes and smiles an uppity, satisfied smile. A smile that would tell anyone how little he cares for how many people die over there.

So I asked him why it was the right thing to do. The response I got was more of the same shit I stopped listening to months ago. "They declassified so-and-such a report and there really were weapons of mass destruction there." Or "The President has to stick to his guns."

I walked away from him shortly thereafter, disgusted. Letting him know how the war never sat well in my gut and still doesn't (although he assumed I was initally for the war since "everyone" in the country was at the beginning).

I now think that anyone that truly feels that we're doing the right thing in Iraq and claims to stand by President Bush needs to put their money where their mouth is. Enlist in some branch of the Armed Forces and go over there and fight for him. Stand by him. Stick to your guns.

Or just shut the fuck up.

Either choice is a good one from where I'm standing.

Posted by Matt @ 10:57 PM |

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The REAL Thing has returned!

Several weeks ago I came across this article which told of a mythic soft-drink long thought extinct (much like the coelacanth) yet being exported by those wonderful folks down in Mexico. And what is this ancient and legendary liquid confection, you ask?

Coca-Cola.

Yeah. That's right. Coca-Cola. And before you get all confused, I'm talking about REAL Coca-Cola.

Seems that sometime in the 1980's The Coca-Cola Bottling Company switched from using cane sugar to high fructose corn syrup in order to save money. Many never noticed the difference. But just as many Coke Nuts (like me) remember a time when Coke tasted, well, different. Sweeter, but not syruppy. Fizzier. Yummier.

But now I don't have to remember. I can experience. And I have for the past 36 hours. Going on an anonymous tip (Psst! Thanks, Karin!!!) I wandered into a tucked-away Mexican Grocer and found the Holy Grail. They had five bottles. "Sugar" listed among the ingredients. I bought them all. I drank them all. Each bottle an orgasm of memory and nostalgia. And fucking delicious.

I recommend any fan of the Coke to find some of these. You'll be glad you did.

However, I'm not giving up the name nor the location of my Mexican Grocer. Find your own!

Fuckers!

Posted by Matt @ 11:35 PM |

Friday, September 15, 2006

The Shortest Interview Ever

One thing I've never done (and still intend never to do) is talk about work-related things on this website. I don't bitch about my job to everyone. I don't openly talk shit about co-workers, my boss, clients/customers, or vendors. To me, using your blogsite in this way is incredibly tacky. If you have an issue with your boss or co-worker, confront them and talk about the problem! Don't be a fucking coward.

This is not to say that I don't vent about work. I do. But I vent TO someone, face-to-face (usually my wife). This act actually challenges me to look at what it is that I'm upset about or have a problem with. In most cases, it helps.

I do not, however, feel it tacky or cowardly to talk about interviews I've had for which there was never a job offer. In cases like these I was never an actual employee and think it's safe to express disdain or confusion especially if the interview was strange or went badly. Or just plain noteworthy.

This post is about an interview that was all three. But in a funny, "what the fuck?" sort of way. Today I interviewed with a company called GEOPAT Enterprises. Go ahead. Give the website a visit. It's really slick. It also plays these really calming new-agey tones when you click things as if to say "we're a super awesome and friendly company. Come work for us." Problem is, from the website it's a little vague what they actually DO as a company.

So when I went in for my interview today with the "President" of the company, I asked. Three times. As directly as I could. Instead of answering he fixated on the fact that I did not fill out my social security number on my application. Right after this I was told he "wasn't going to waste his time with me" and--in what was a first for me--I was thrown out of his office. My interview was over in less than three minutes. I was smiling.

But I still had more I wanted to say to Kyle Ball, President of GEOPAT Enterprises. So I thought I'd email him a small thank you and offer some helpful interviewing techniques. Here, in it's totality, is the email. Let's see if he writes me back.

Dear Kyle,

Since you were in such a rush to end our �preliminary interview� and get me out of there I didn�t really have the chance to thank you for what I�m certain is the shortest interview I�ve ever had.

But if I may, I do have a little advice I�d like to share with you in the hopes that you may take it to heart and actually use some of it. Seriously. It might help you in the long run.

1) It's not polite to demand an answer from someone when they haven't been told what it is they'd doing after giving that affirmative response. Normally, one might actually open the interview with the potential hire by telling them a little bit about the company they've come to learn more about. You did invite me. Or at least someone there did. Be a good host and show me around.

2) It's not polite (or professional for that matter) to take on a rather confrontational, condescending and unpleasant tone when making that demand for an answer--especially 30 seconds into the interviewing process.

3) Referring people to your website is a great way to get people interested and to pass on information about the company in a quick, convenient way. But it does actually help to have content on the website. Eight total paragraphs (nine including your "expansion and growth is the key to our success" mission statement) with vague jargon about Event Marketing doesn't tell me much. What is it that GEOPAT Enterprises actually does? Obfuscation is a practice usually only implemented by certain branches of the Federal Government that deal with top secret information. I'm not a UFO chaser and you sure as hell aren't Area 51. [I say with a cute, raised eyebrow:] Or ARE you? Hmmmm. You may also want to consider changing the pictures you have posted. I could be wrong, but I don't think those people in the photographs actually work for you. (Please note that on the resume you reluctantly gave back to me you have written: "No information from website. Kinda odd." "Kinda" is not a word.)

4) When a potential hire asks you directly or indirectly what GEOPAT Enterprises is about, tell the potential hire what GEOPAT Enterprises is actually about (not after the second or third time asked). It might also be a good thing to tell them after they ask the first time. Or just open the interview by telling your potential hires about the company (see #1).

5) After being asked what GEOPAT Enterprises is about, don't refer them to the website (see #3).

6) Don't ask me for personal information (like my Social Security Number) until you've told me what I'm being hired to do and you're prepared to make me an offer. And don't threaten me with keeping my application (an application?--please) and saying it's subject to "criminal review". Feel free to do a background check if you must (or if you're bored and looking for something to do). You'll find nothing out of order.

7) Wear a sensible suit that actually fits and flatters you. Your jacket alone looked to be a few sizes to big and too long. A successful businessman like yourself should dress appropriately. I suggest a visit to Nordstrom (or Kenneth Cole if you're feeling a little more "hip").

I'm sure there's more, but this email is already too long. You can find other helpful hints at the Baltimore Better Business Bureau's website (they actually have a LOT to say). That web address is: http://www.baltimore.bbb.org/

Still, I must apologize. I know you felt our interview was a waste of your time (you said as much verbatim), but I hope it makes you feel better to know that I took something away from it. That GEOPAT Enterprises is essentially a nothing company that is unable to say much of anything about itself. And if the "President's" general demeanor and attitude is any indication, I doubt GEOPAT Enterprises will be around long enough to celebrate it's 3rd anniversary. Congratulations on your two years of running a most excellent business.

In all sincerity,

Matt Frankenberg

PS: I would advise you to please shred or otherwise destroy the application I filled out. There's really no reason for you to hold onto it. Unless of course you hoard paper products (a form of OCD). However, if you insist on keeping it I would warn you not to use ANY of my personal information unprofessionally or unethically.

I mean, come on. Did that website say anything at all?

Posted by Matt @ 1:00 PM |

Friday, August 18, 2006

Dickapalooza!

Whiskey & The Kidney Stones w/ The Pork Barrel Quartet

WHERE: Beat's Joint
WHEN: August, 19 2006 (THIS SATURDAY NIGHT!)
COST: $5
DIRECTIONS: Swanson Road, 3rd house on right, Upper Marlboro, MD, 20772

The annual party thrown by Dick Beaters of Whiskey and the Kidney Stones. Expect a beer truck, people (including single ladies), two bands, and maybe a moon bounce. Maybe. I will be there. Drinking and waving my privates at everyone.

To hear some Kidney Stones goodness clicky on this link.

Be there or be lame.

Posted by Matt @ 4:31 PM |

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